i jhust puked up my retainher.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
