you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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