And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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