its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
