Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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