he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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