as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
