Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
