only if we run a train.
done.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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