Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You are a genius and a whore.
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