I heard we made out
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
