I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
