This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
