would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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