What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
