i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
