capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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