I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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