I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
