While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
