Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
