well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
