I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like eating out sand paper
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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