did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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