well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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