he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
