Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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