Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
