they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
