Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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