Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
