You can't motorboat a personality
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
