I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
