We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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