I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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