You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
