My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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