dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
