so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
