You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
