finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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