big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
