By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If that was your dad, he is hot
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
