he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
