Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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