dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
