you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
