uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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