So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
