You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
