i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
