I didn't shave. On purpose
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
