why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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