Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
