He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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