so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
