Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
