What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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