guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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