His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
