I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
