just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You dont lie about slip and slides
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
