therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
