so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
