that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
