I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
