Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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