genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
