I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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