does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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