it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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