All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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