I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize