Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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