Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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