Plan B is the new Plan A
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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