Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
