i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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