You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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